New National Retirement Age Set to 402

Under proposed government guidelines, the home secretary is set to announce that the official retirement age for men and women living in the UK is to be increased to 402, by the year 1985.
This followed the disastrous policy of the retirement age being set to 12 years of age for women and 5 years of age for men.

Allied to the rise in Teletubby culture in our inner cities, the government have been forced into a re-think.
A spokesman for the Department of Work and Pensions had this to say.
"You are bothering me on my lunch break. How dare you! Please point that camera somewhere else! No! Not at my bottom! AAAAHHHH!!"

The bookmaker Bet Fred has stopped taking bets on House Brick for what the DWP spokesman was having for lunch.
The current betting:
House Brick 20-904 Fav, Trousers (Evens), James Blunt 5-1, Pro$titute 5-1, Cadbury's Creme Leg 8-1, Poo on a Stick 15-1,Findus Crispy Pancake 15-1, Asparagus with Toads 20-1

A 402 year old guy

pictured last Wednesday

in Chesterfield