Wednesday 16 January 2008

Tom Jones Rules Himself out of Newcastle Hotseat


Legendary Welsh crooner, Tom Jones, has distanced himself from reports stating that he has been involved in secret talks with the Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley - about becoming the club's new first team manager.

A spokesman for Mr Jones, aged 26, commented:

"Tom was very flattered with the link to Newcastle United manager's job, but he is currently recording a new album of Norwegian death metal songs. The songs were especially picked for him by Uri Geller, last Tuesday at about 4am. Rumours that Ruud Gullit is working on the album are not true, although we did contact Kenny Dalglish - but he was at a steam tractor convention in Keswick and unobtainable."

Officials at Newcastle United were maintaining radio silence today, although owner Mike Ashley was seen entering the St James' Park stadium.

He was wearing black shoes, grey trousers and jacket, a white shirt and black and white tie, and also a white baseball cap.To many observers, this was a sign that Mr Ashley was thinking about convincing Amanda Holden to take charge.
The fans favourite for the manager's job, Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen, is due to meet with Staff Sergeant Maurice Oaklam Beale at the Swanwick Naval Association gala luncheon this afternoon.
No genetically modified products are said to be on the menu.
Bowen was expected to provide the doilies and cardboard cut-out Shane McGowan figures.

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